Talk Back to Self-Talk
Effective ways to stop being too hard on yourself
Can’t fall asleep without those condemning thoughts recurring? Guilt. Blame. Ruminations. Oops. Patterns of negativity lead to self-talk and thought patterns that are hard to break.
Where did that thought come from
You’re not alone when unwanted thoughts come into your head. Even the wisest people with great integrity have these same issues or similar challenges. How do they handle them?
Say, “Yeah, That’s true. I shouldn’t have done that. That’s what grace and forgiveness is all about. It’s in the past and totally forgiven. God wants me to move on.” — Dr. Henry Cloud
In addition to agreeing that God has forgiven you, you forgive yourself as you trust that God. You are made right with God through His Son. In other words, you do not have to cling to old ways of thinking or living as 2 Corinthians 5:17 states,
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Replacing old thoughts
Call a lie a lie. Literally say out loud, “That’s a lie!” when you feel a condemning thought come into your mind. That does not mean rejecting reality if you are guilty, when you need to confess and repent. It means that you stop those repeated negative intrusions that somehow are buried in your past, embedded in your brain, and need to be confronted by the truth. You are forgiven!
Push against old structures. Replace with new ones. Transformation means that the old way of life is replaced by the new. Now you have supernatural energy from saving faith by means of the power of the Holy Spirit within you as a repentant believer in Jesus Christ. That source of strength is available so that you so that you can be valued and used by God. He has saved you by faith for good works that He prepared before you were born. In Ephesians 2:8–10,
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
Wikipedia defines new creation words from the Greek.
“The new creation (Gk καινὴ κτίσις) is a concept found in the New Testament, related to the new life (ἐν καινότητι ζωῆς) and new man (referring to the spiritual rebirth through Christ Jesus) (καινός ἄνθρωπος) but with reference also to the Genesis creation narrative.”
Software in your head
Who installed some negative software in your head? With a lot of criticism and disapproval, your daily messages could have been internalized. Always asking, “Am I good enough?” is a road that leads to another dead end. That people-pleasing behavior tends to activate hypervigilance as you search for connections.
See and find healthy connections that heal wounds. Just like a house that needs to be remodeled, the framework of your thoughts needs to be reexamined to replace the one eaten by termites or by ants.
ANTS invade thoughts
When ants literally invaded his kitchen, Dr. Daniel Amen recognized the analogy to automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) invading the lives of individuals. He then listed them. After his initial discover in the 1990s to explain them, much has been written in positive psychology within and researched in the past 30 years about that phenomena with practical advice and worksheets for all human beings.
Both Christians and non-Christians benefit from self-examination. You can get rid of the little lies that trigger you. Now that you call yourself a Christian, walk like a Christian. You were saved by grace (undeserved favor), now walk by grace (through His power, not your own.) Programming your brain is essentially your responsibility. You don’t have to believe every thought you have. Instead think on these things:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
What not to do
Here’s a list of the ANTS to avoid. Get out your anteater. Dr. Amen identifies blame as “the worst red ant.”
- Fortune Telling: This is the ANT of almost anyone who has a panic disorder. They are masterful at predicting the worst, even though they don’t have any evidence.
- Mind Reading: Where you arbitrarily believe that you know what someone else is thinking, even though they didn’t tell you. Many people do this, and more often than not it gets them into trouble. It’s a major reason why people have trouble in relationships.
- Guilt Beatings: Thinking with words like should, must, ought and have to. The words we use to talk to ourselves are very important. Guilt is not a very good motivator for change. Telling yourself “I should go see my grandmother” rather than “I want to spend time with my grandmother” only serves to make you feel negative.
- Blame: Whenever you blame someone else for the problems in your life, you are a victim and you can’t do anything to change it. Many of us play the blame game, but it rarely helps us. Stay away from blaming thoughts and take personal responsibility for changing the problems you have.
- Labeling: Calling yourself or someone else a derogatory name. This diminishes your ability to see situations clearly and labels are very harmful.
The longer explanation is here. As you take responsibility for the time, talents, and abilities that God has given you, you can choose more wisely what thoughts to talk back to, — in your own self-talk — for loving and accepting yourself. God loves you. Learn to love yourself in a healthy way as you work on your old thinking and replace those words. Do not let God’s plan for your life be infested with negative self-talk. Instead, invest in being His new creation!
